2 hope-ful spin-sters Movie Review of the Moment...
THIS MEANS WAR
THIS MEANS WAR
Synopsis (courtesy of Fandango): CIA operatives FDR Foster (Chris Pine) and Tuck (Tom Hardy) are inseparable best friends and partners. Together, their good looks, covert abilities and combat skills rank them among the CIA's elite, but their longstanding personal and professional bond is put to the test when they meet Lauren (Reese Witherspoon). FDR and Tuck both fall hard for the beautiful blonde, and turn their deadly skills and an array of high-tech gadgetry against one another in an all-out battle for her love.
Genre: Bromance meets comedy meets action—sort of...
Let’s cut to the chase here: We have co-dependent best friends Agent Tuck (Tom Hardy) and Agent FDR (Chris Pine) who make a gentlemen’s bet with each other after meeting the beautiful Lauren (Reese Witherspoon). They both wish to pursue her romantically. But the reality is they are SPYING on her. They are STALKING her. They are using dangerous weapons targeted at each other, unbeknownst to Lauren, while on these “romantic” dates. May the best man win! What the heck?!?
If I were Lauren, after finding out this has all gone on behind my back, I would have gotten two restraining orders , legally changed my name and moved to another country. But in Hollywoodland, it’s ok that these two grown men were acting this way because they were gorgeous, rich and charismatic. Look, I know that at the end of the day this was a movie that clearly was not trying to show a realistic point of view. It’s great to go to a movie and forget real life when it’s properly directed with a strong execution. This film was all over the place. Hey, I want to be an action flick, then I want to be a romance, then I want to be a thriller, then I want to have some touching moments... yada yada yada..
Lauren was too smart for the situation she found herself in. Heck, Reese Witherspoon is too smart for this. There were a lot of cheap shots and lame jokes. Chelsea Handler playing Lauren’s best friend got a fat paycheck to act as herself. Even the “player” side of me (everyone has a little bit in them!) didn’t get a pay-off-- SPOILER ALERT: Lauren DIDN’T sleep with both guys simply because “she’s just not that type of girl”… to quote Chelsea’s character—“After all they do it to us all the time” and "You think Gloria Steinem got arrested and sat in a jail cell so you could act like a little bitch?" Lauren, I would have loved it if you had slept with both of them just because you could and then left them both. I wanted to see you do it simply because I’M not that type of girl.
I don't even know where to begin with this movie because I'm just not sure what it was. Was it romance? Kinda. Action? Sorta. Comedy? It thought so. Bromance? Yes, I suppose that is the most accurate category. But before I devour this movie, I must mention that the eye candy alone was almost worth the price of admission (especially Tom Hardy).
Obviously, the scenarios in this movie would NEVER really happen. I get that. But the movie just took it a bit too far for me. Let me break it down: 1st off, I have done online dating and NOT ONCE has someone like Tuck (Tom Hardy) been a “match” for me. And even if a guy like him is on Match (or the like), one would have to go out with a lot of “duds” to finally be rewarded with this gem. 2nd, they are SPYING on Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) and completely violating her privacy. COMPLETELY. Ewww!!!!!!!!! 3rd, Chelsea Handler. I love you Chelsea...I really think you are hilarious. But I don't know if you were funny in this movie because I was distracted by whatever “work” you’ve had done and I wanted to focus on your jokes...not the fact that the bottom half of your face doesn’t move. I’m sorry, but it’s true. That’s one of perk of being a “funny gal.” Your looks may fade (which I doubt yours were) but you will ALWAYS be funny. Trust that. And lastly, it came down to which guy would “win” Lauren. Did it ever cross their mind that maybe she wouldn’t like either of you? Nope, it sure didn’t appear that way.
Now, it’s time for me to get off my high horse. Because, as I walked out of the theatre, I heard everyone around me saying, “wasn’t that a fun movie?” “I loved it!!! It was so funny!” and various similar quotes. It may me stop and wonder, am I so “in my head” that I can’t just take a movie like that for what it is: fluff with eye candy? Did I expect more because I think Reese is adorable? Perhaps...on both counts. But I still think it could have done a better job of telling this story.
Bottom line: If you want to look at some pretty people, see thing blow up and not have to think...this is a sold choice for you. But keep the bar really low.
I give it 2 spies...for eye candy purposes only.